A soft reminder not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry..
Its world mental health day today and the topic they have chosen to focus on is suicide prevention.
What I’m about to share with you is a very personal experience as you all know that’s what my blog is all about my life and my experiences and how I can help others.
When we think of suicide people often say its the easy way out infact it takes courage to end your own life and for that person to be in such a dark place they can’t find any solution but to end thier own life.
If you feel suicidal at any point in life make sure you speak to someone close to you or a professional it’s not weak to seek help is actually very Brave. It doesn’t matter what the issue or situation is there’s nothing that can’t be solved always Remember that.
My experience was in March 2011 my life was a complete mess I was in a terrible situation I couldn’t see no way out of I was in debt, ide got out of horrible relationship.
I was also a mum to little girl who I mostly parented myself trying to make ends meet. I was grieving for the loss of my grandparents who meant the world to me after their passing I felt very empty.
I really didn’t want to bother anyone else my parents or my sister they had enough to deal with.
It was a horrific part of my life I felt such pain and I was completely broken I had a bottle of whisky in the cupboard from Christmas so I took it out the cupboard and 3 boxes of painkillers.
There I was stood in the kitchen in my crappy two bed flat which I hated broken skint and in so much pain and so angry I thought this was it I didn’t see any way out no way forward.
I actually remember standing there for around 45mins just staring at the bottle and pills on the side and it was like it was a voice inside me saying just do it already you won’t be missed no one cares about you just as I was about to my daughter who was nearly 3 at the time shouted from her bed room mummy read me a story you know the one about the mummy brown hare and baby hare
I literally collapsed on the floor in floods of tears I felt so selfish and angry with myself I picked up the bottle and smashed it up my kitchen wall and flushed all the pills Down the toilet.
I can say I was very very close to taking the pills and downing a bottle of whisky.
I then went to read to my daughter guess how much I love you because this was her favourite book at the time.
I’m a believer in the spirit world and I knew at that stage in my life i’de hit rock-bottom and I needed help i’de been having dark thoughts previous to this episode but this one I was actually ready to do something about it.
But I believe my daughter shouting me and the book title was a message from my nan and grandad.
As silly as that sounded I have always believed that.
After my daughter fell asleep I went up to clear the broken glass up and whisky off the floor ashamed at myself.
And realised the pain and hurt I would of caused my daughter and my family if I would of carried out what I had in mind would of been catastrophic.
I did speak to someone after that episode I seeked help but my biggest fear was them taking my daughter away.
To this very day there is only two people who knew about this one was a very close friend and the very lovely lady named jenny who was on the other end of the phone that just listened to me and advised me when I seeked help I started to sort through problems my debt my confidence and also I found my spiritual self that helped with my greif.
This I’ve held very close to my heart for a long time 9 years is a long time to hold a secret like that.
But my advise to you would be speak to people not everyone is self centred the world is full of nice people who will listen and lend an ear when needed.
But don’t try and tackle it alone however stubborn you maybe everyone needs help from time to time no need to be ashamed for asking for help.
Me now I’m a lot stronger I’m a lot more confident and I’m happy to share my experiences however people may view it.
To be brave in such a dark time takes nothing but courage it doesn’t make you a hopeless case it makes you human.
Please support world mental health day 💚
There are links below if your feeling lost or in a dark place please speak to someone they are amazing people who will not judge but will help…
Love to you all ❤️❤️❤️
Stacie xxx 💚