I hope you have had a great day I would like to say I have but that hasn’t been the case.
Do you know when you roll out of bed in the morning and you know its not going to be a great day both emotionally and physically, most the time these days I have my shit together.
But today I felt like the whole world was against me, my anxiety attacks are less and less these days since I’ve found my confidence back but still one slips through the cracks of that barrier that ive built so high around my soul and every now and again the old Stacie tries to remerge from the shadows and i have to rain her back into the darkness because that jush isn’t me anymore.
This blog post I’ve wanted to post for along time now and I’ve been putting it off for a while but i think its time to share it with you all.
To the people who know me in person who read my blog will understand exactly how I’ve been feeling and hopefully you will understand why I’ve needed to do what I have done to simply keep my head above water and to stop myself from drowning.
Up until the last six months Ive been at war with myself , my mind and my heart trying to align all three has been a battle and half.
I’ve always put others first and always put myself last just to make other people happy.
Ive loved and not always been loved back the old unrequited love is an arsehole.
I’ve sat there and listened and let someone pull me apart piece by piece for simply being me.
Ive kept calm when the fire inside me had raged.
I’ve been battered and bruised by my own self confidence.
Until that day comes and you think you know enough is enough I’m not taking this anymore.
I got up that morning in February and thought this is the last time i will allow my life and the people around me to control me..
It started with some external changes I was so determined to loose weight as that held my confidence back massively and I knew I had to drastically do something to achieve what i wanted so that was the first step for me.
So then the hair changed you always know when a women means business she changes her hair said coco channel , so that’s when my transformation really started when the red hair came along , that in itself gave me a lot of confidence.
Over the past 7 months i have worked on my surroundings and the company i kept.
I had taken a step back from anyone who brings drama to my life, I’m not about the drama, I just want a peaceful life.
One thing I realised when your going through a glow up is that some people will support you others will completely turn on you.
Ive been called nasty and evil plus lot more but i know that’s not me at all.
That’s the kind of people I haven’t got time for anymore.
We all go through bad times i know but its how we choose to evolve from it.
You see some people don’t like other people evolving due to their own insecurities, that’s when you realise that your energies are not meant to combine.
Your eyes open and you truly see people and situations that you once where involved with and think what the hell was i doing.
Transformation does that to you.
So what are my plans for the near future I’m sure that people will have something to say but you know what its my life my body I will do what makes me happy.
I don’t go into things blind I do my research..
so I’m fast approaching 33 and its time to start taking proper care of myself as vain as that sounds but again my choice, so i have been in touch with the Harley medical group to see if they will sort my loose skin from weight loss, that for me is a massive step in the mean time i will just have to put up with it.
Its ok people saying you look fine but its my choice i have to do what makes me happy and i would never go to the extreme.
So the glow up after such a rubbish time is amazing and I’m in this bubble at the moment where I feel untouchable from anything or anyone who caused me heartache and upset in the past.
If you like the new me then cool if you don’t then tough I’m never going back.
And I’m so proud of myself, I still have bad days and I know that one day someone will get me and will love me completely for just being me if given half the chance all I want to do is be happy but until then I’m like a elastic band I will always ping back ….
Love to you all